ADVENTURE TIME
by I Really Hate Captchas
Summary: A tale of romance, justice, and most of all, Adventure. A literary masterpiece that all fans of Adventure Time should experience.


"So, no shit dude," said Jake, excitedly, "There I was playin' Fallout 3 last night on the couch. I was just mindin' my own business when suddenly Lady Rainicorn shows up. I was all 'Hey there baby, what're you doing here?' She said to me 'ching chong nip nong suki yuki desu dess'."

"What's that mean?" Finn interrupted. "You know I can't understand Lady Rainicorn"

"I doesn't really translate well." Jake said. "Anyways, she says that, and then she comes over and she totally starts sucking my dick."

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Mathematical, bro!" exclaimed Finn, bumping fists with Jake. "Holy cow! I wish I could get so lucky. "

"What do you mean, man? You never... made it with a lady?" asked Jake, perplexed.

"Well, no." Finn said, somberly. "I haven't. Princes Bubblegum is a stuck-up hoo-ha. All she ever wants to talk about is MATH and SCIENCE." Finn let out a yell of frustration. "IT ISN'T FAIR. I'M 12 YEARS OLD, I should have gotten laid by now!"

"Huh. You know, bro, I think I can help you. Come on, let's go back to the house."

Jake the Dog and Finn the Human made their way back to their home, which is a tree or something. On the way, they battled a giant monster. But that isn't really important.

"Alright, dude, I think this'll do the trick." Said Jake. He produced a small vial of yellow liquid from under the sofa cushion. Finn stared in wonderment.

"What is it?"

"It's a potion I use on Lady Rainicorn whenever she's acting like a bitch. One drop of this and she's raring to go!"

"RHOMBUS!" Finn exclaimed, snatching the bottle from Jake and downing the entire serum.

"No! Finn! Don't!" Jake yelled in surprise, "You were supposed to give it to the Princess or whatever!"

"Jake, buddy... I don't feel so good..." Finn said weakly, massaging his stomach.

"Oh, no."

"Oh, man, Jake, I don't think I was supposed to drink that."

"No, duh, numbskull! I said it was for the girl!" Jake stated in a mix of despair and exasperation.

"I'm feeling kinda... hot..." Finn slurred, his tone changing.

"Oh no, Finn, you don't mean sexy hot, right? You mean like Volcano Man hot, right?" Jake said with increasing worry.

"No, Jake... I DO MEAN SEXY HOT!"

Finn jumped on to Jake's back and whipped off his own clothes, leaving only his hat on his head. Jake struggled against him, not wanting what was coming. Jake managed to overpower the sex-crazed Finn, and now had him pinned on the ground.

"I don't think you understand, Finn. I don't get fucked by the person who drinks the potion. I don't get fucked at all.

I FUCK."

By now, Jake's two-incher had grown to it's full length and was throbbing fit to burst. Jake could not wait any longer, and neither could Finn. Jake penetrated Finn's virgin bootyhole with gusto, and began pumping.

"Oh my gosh, Jake!" moaned Finn, "That feels so Algebraic!" Jake said nothing, and continued pounding. Being 12 years old, Finn did not have much of a wiener to speak of. Nonetheless, he began massaging the spot where a cock should be, crying out in pain and pure ecstasy while he did so. They went of for about 26 minutes, before Jake suddenly stopped.

"What's the matter, buddy?" Finn questioned, "You run out of juice so soon?"

"Naw, man. I just had a great idea! You remember my stretchy powers? The ones that make me grow huge?"

"...Yeah?" Finn answered cautiously.

Suddenly, Jake's two-inch-long cock expanded in Finn's ass. It grew and it grew and it grew. Finn began screaming, but not because he was in pain, but because his body was now being filled with Jake's beautiful genitalia. Jake continued to grow until his doggy lipstick was 300 feet long and as wide as a city block.

"Jake... You really are a true bro." Finn squeaked out, barely able to speak.

"Thanks, dude." Jake said, and smiled. He knew that now, Finn and himself were inseparable friends. Nothing could ever come between them. And with that heartwarming moment, Jake continued. Jake kept pumping and grunting, back and forth, in and out of Finn's backside, his doggy balls slapping on what was left of Finn's body.

"B-Bro. I think I'm about to come!" Exclaimed Finn. "Let's come together, as one! As true BROS!"

And they did. Jake released his load all inside Finn. So forcefully, in fact, that some came spurting out of his mouth. Jake's jizz flew so far, it even reached Lumpy Space, hitting the Lumpy Space Princess in the face.

Jake shrank down to his original size, and exited Finn. Finn's body has been wrecked beyond recognition by Jake's large phallus, and he now resembled a large pancake made out of flesh, with a boston creme filling.

"We did it, Jake... We really did it." whispered Finn. He had not much time left in the world. Jake recognized this, and moved in closer.

"Yeah, buddy. We did." Choked Jake, fighting back tears as the realization that Finn was going to die swept over him.

Finn raised his hand, and made a fist. Jake did the same, and bumped it against Finn's. And with that, Finn passed on.

Jake carried Finn's body to the backyard and gave him a proper burial. He then dropped to his knees and began weeping.

"Aww, buddy. I'll never forget you. Never ever. I'll always remember the times we spent together, and the moments we shared. And I will cherish them always."

Jake looked up to the night sky, and it was there Jake saw a shooting star. Jake smiled. He knew that now, Finn was in a better place. Somewhere where he could be recognized as a hero for the rest of eternity. He stood up, and turned around to go to his home.

Suddenly, the sound of rushing air filled the night. Jake whipped around, and saw the shooting star rushing towards him! He leaped out of the way, the falling object almost crushing him as it struck the ground with earth-shaking force. Jake looked up at the newly formed crater in amazement, and rushed down to the bottom to examine the celestial object.

"Woah, what the heck, man?" exclaimed Jake. Inside the meteor stood an tall figure, clad in ebony armor. It wore an insectoid helmet, with large, crimson eyes and a large "RX" on its chest. Around it's waist was a belt with two ruby-colored gems embedded in to the center.

"I am the child of the sun!" Exclaimed the figure, making a pointing motion a Jake.

"Kamen Rider... BLACK!" The figure made a sweeping motion with his arms. "R... X!"

Jake stood in awe of the figure, which, in turn, stared back at him.

"Who... What are you? Why are you here? You crushed my buddy Finn, you jerk!" Yelled Jake, his anger mounting.

"If you are not a friend of Justice, then you are an enemy of Humanity." Stated Black RX.

"What?"

"Through your perversion, you have taken the life of an innocent child. And for that, you must pay. You are an enemy of justice, and you are therefore my enemy! I am the child of the sun, protector of all humanity! You are an enemy of humanity, and you must be destroyed!"

"Wait! I-" but Jake's words were cut short. Black RX has delivered a jaw-shattering punch to Jake's skull, sending him staggering backwards.

"RIDER PUNCH"

"Wait... no!" Jake begged. "I didn't-"

"RIDER KICK!" Exclaimed Black RX, as he jumped in to the air. RX vaulted forward in midair and struck Jake with both feet. RX flipped off of Jake's face, and turned to face him. Jake felt himself being ripped apart, atom by atom. A fiery explosion filled the night sky as Jake was ripped apart by Black RX's Rider Kick Black RX stood up, and looked to the stars.

"Today, justice has been served. Finn the Human can now rest peacefully. However, there is still work to be done, for as long as there is evil in the world, there will always be the need for a warrior of justice. That is Kamen Rider's purpose. That is my purpose."

With that, the child of the sun and protector of humanity Kamen Rider Black RX turned, and left.

FIN.


End file.
